Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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