I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
