She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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