I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
