there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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