Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
