someone threw a dead crab at me
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
