You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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