I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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