IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
