you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize