youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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