READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
