If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
