thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
