3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
