dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
