i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
