I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I currently don't understand fingers.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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