Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
