Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
