After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize