I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
