I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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