There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
