my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
