if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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