I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
