I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
