The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
