I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
