I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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