Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Go christen that room with your naked body.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
