She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
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all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
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and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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