wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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