you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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