with your own penis?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
