I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
