there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
