Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
