guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
