I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
