the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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