I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
