Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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