If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
