Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
