The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
