If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
