I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think people are normalizing furries
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
