Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
