I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Randomize
