I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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