This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My orgasm happened in two different decades
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
