did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
