WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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