She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
