I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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