I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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