The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
