Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
