arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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