last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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