Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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