you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
