I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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