You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
