Swine flu is the new snow day.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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