Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
