it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
